One of Two Kinds

What a day.

I don't think you understand....

What. UHH.  Day!

Sparing all important details, Kyndall was incredibly ill this morning.  For a couple hours, I was thinking the worst about whatever was going on inside that tiny little body.  Ok...I usually do think the worst...but it was actually justified for a couple hours.  We spent three hours, probably around $300, three outfits (puke. ew.), and three million tears at the doctor's office.  I am so thankful I was able to move my shoots and hold my sick little lady when she needed me.

Other excitement, accidents, trips to Marmaduke (can we puh-leeez move already??), and even some laughs occurred through this hectic day.  I could barely keep my eyes open for a while...but now...I can't sleep due to a giant nagging question I'm trying to sort out.

Will I ever feel like I'm giving love to my kiddos in equal doses?

Kyndall went to daycare about 10 times from birth to 3.  Kamryn has gone 10 times in the last month.

Kamryn is a breast-fed baby, and is super healthy.  Kyndall was not (3.5 week hospitalizations tend to end breastfeeding), and gets every cold and virus that comes her way.

Kyndall is compliant, gentle, and compassionate.  Kamryn is strong willed, rough, and hot tempered.

I could continue the comparisons for days.  They are SO different.  How can the same two reproductive factories create two completely opposing models?  Especially when they look nearly identical??

Honestly, these images don't do the similarities justice.

Then I hear the Voice.  "Kathryn, you cannot...CANNOT compare them!"  It's not fair to either of them, it's not conducive to their love for one another, and it surely isn't helpful to your ridiculously manic mind.

Kamryn adores and idolizes her big sister.  Kyndall didn't have any kids to play with until she was 3.

Kyndall stayed the night away easily because of my health problems.  Kamryn has no idea how to function through the night without me or Kyle.

Kyndall may have struggles with leading and standing up for herself.  Kamryn will unlikely let anyone--she's not worried about size OR species (ask our friend's dog)--push her around.

They are their own people. It feels to me like they should be the same.  I understand that doesn't really make sense when I write it out, but I have to stop myself from falling into the assumption they should be alike since I gave both of them life.  But they're not.  They have positive and negative attributes that will cause them trouble, and lead them to successes throughout their lives.

I have to teach Kyndall it is ok to tell on Kamryn when Kam pulls out a chunk of Kyn's hair.  Yes, Kamryn may be in trouble, but sister, it's your hair!!  I have to help Kamryn mold that little temper (one guess where that came from ;)) into patience and self control.  I have to love them where they are, for who they are, and quit complicating the process.  Sooo, I feel if I love them in this manner...if I cater my love to them, and quit trying to make every action and comment even or fair, if my love is coming from the depths of my heart out of genuine desire for them to grow into God's will, my love will be equal.  

Who knows...I could be 100% wrong, but parenting is a journey.  I learn a little bit more each day, and I have so many days ahead :)