Just Do It Already

Fall 2012 was rough for me.

Hormone induced depression, selling-moving-building-moving, $1500 health insurance deductible met for Kamryn in 45 days, extremely tragic family situations, curled up in bed crying at least twice a week, ROUGH.  Digress with me...

I've decided this will be our last baby. Not because of the two shots a day during pregnancy, or the fact another would make four (I'd love to adopt later, if the hubbs would ever allow it), and not even because we don't have the funds for a fourth child at this point.  I am going to put the skids to child bearing because of what the first trimester does to me.  I'm moody, I'm dark, I'm (even more) cynical, I have trouble getting any work done...house or business, and I'm just not a fun person to be around.

Kids need a fun mom to be around.  Hubbs needs a fun wife to come home to.

They all need clean clothes in their closets, and home cooked meals (at least for the most part).

Of course my girls and man had clean clothes and food, but our life was so chaotic, and I simply could not cope with the stresses of sell/move/build/move on top of the family heartaches.  Couldn't do it.  I had to drop something, or it was all going to crush me.

So I dropped the business for one month.

I didn't post to the Facebook business page for over four weeks.  I didn't market a single promotion.  I got all my deliveries done in time for Christmas, and I turned all my focus to healing and family.

We moved in the newly built house the second week in December.  I was so anxious to get our tree up since this is the first Christmas Kamryn really participates in, and I couldn't wait to see everything up in our Home. Next, I organized the kitchen.  I LOVE cooking in this kitchen.  I designed the layout myself, and everything is just a couple steps away, there is plenty of counter space, my range is a beast, and it's entirely open to the kitchen/dining area, so I can keep an eye on Kamryn Faith (Kyndall is usually helping me).

I spent 3 straight weeks cooking, cleaning, and crying.  God began speaking to me in every little thing, and through every person I came in contact with.  I built some serious walls a couple years ago that I have been only slightly peeking over ever since.  God was sick of it.  Honestly, my soul was, too, but my hard heart was putting up support posts.

I'm sure I'll get into details about this trying season slowly.  It's too much for one post, and it's too hard to get out all at once.  I'm a pretty private person with issues of my life, and relay them to maybe 5 or 6 people at most.  That trait is a large reason why I haven't written on my blog in so long.  I am afraid of sounding whiny, or braggy, or mean, or fake, so I don't say anything.  But through my last life season, God has blown open so many truths, and my walls are down, and I'm me again.

Just me.

Broken, bossy, impatient, impulsive, constantly creative, manic, me.  Sometimes I may come across as whiny, and readers who are going through a more difficult life period will be annoyed.  Sometimes my ideas, or projects may seem like I'm super mom. Believe me, I'm not.  Sometimes people may think I sound rude, callus, or judgmental.  Sometimes that may be true, but I'm praying my words on this blog are guided by what God is doing in my life and my heart.

I'm simply going to do this thing.  This big, exciting, documentation of my home, life, family, and career is going to happen.  I'm looking into a clean, simple blog redesign to reflect my inner redesign and clean heart.  I want to be as genuine as I can be, and I want my little ladies (and upcoming little man) to have something to look back on, and know how much I love them and our lives together.  I want to be a great wife and partner to my husband.  I'm sure he wants me to write more, so that I'll quit gabbing his ear off....constantly...without end.  {Why couldn't the verse read "Talk to your husband without ceasing"?  I am much better at talking to him, than praying.  Another trait that needs adjustment!}

So, that's that.  Here we go :)