Saturday, February 9, 2013

Stand for Something

I've droned on about the differences in my two girls before, so I won't elaborate too much on it here.  I will just mention that Kamryn is my strong willed, stand up to anyone, you're-not-messing-with-me girl, while Kyndall is my gentle, compassionate, you-can-have-my-cookie, lady.  I don't worry about Kamryn be taken advantage of, I worry about her taking advantage of others.  I don't worry about Kyndall being hateful to others, I worry about Kyndall being run over by stronger willed people.

My last post was all about saving moola, and if you have a chance you should check it out :)  With some of the money available from cut expenses, we signed Miss Kyn up for ballet and tap lessons.  For all who know me, I know....my daughter is a girly girl who adores dance.  It's crazy, but I honestly am loving it.  I did my best to find a studio that was NOT Dance Mom-esque.  Ugh.  I don't want to mess with all that crap drama. We found an adorable studio in Paragould that opened last fall, is taught by a super sweet lady who has a ton of experience in dance, and has a classic atmosphere with mirrors, pink walls, and a ballet bar.  Simple. Classic. Just right.  

We began a month ago, and Kyndall is really getting the hang of it.  I knew from the first lesson we had likely found *her thing*, from the look on her face when the sweet teacher taught the first move.  Are they called moves?  Positions?  Steps?  I honestly would be a terrible Dance Mom.  I'm ignorant about dance.  But Kyndall....goodness. Her entire countenance just lights up at every practice, and with every step she learns.


Look at that form :)
This week in tap, they learned the first few 8-counts of their recital number.  After practicing basics, and before beginning steps in the dance, the teacher announced, "Alright, we are going to listen to the music for your recital piece!  You girls can just listen to the music this first time."

There are four girls in this tap class.  The girl on the right and left of Kyndall immediately sat down, and Kyndall looked at each of them, slowly beginning to squat, when she realized the fourth girl was still standing.  She straightened her knees, gave her mirror image a grin, and stood tall.  About ten seconds later, the other standing deary sat down, too.

I realize I over analyze evvvvverything, but in this moment I thought about how telling her next action would be.  My fears of her being a follower, being scared to stand up for herself, being concerned more about what others think than what she wants to do or knows is right, all began to bubble in my brain.  She wanted to stand up.  I knew that from the look she gave the mirror when she realized all the girls weren't sitting.  But would she continue standing while the other girls were sitting?

My brain was heavy with thoughts, and my heart full of anxiety, over this tiny little matter.

Sit or stand?

She immediately noticed the last girl's decision to sit.  The mirror allowed me to see her wheels turning as she contemplated what to do, until a resolution crossed her face in an all out smile.  She squared her shoulders to the mirror, pulled the corners of her little skirt up in a semi-curtsy, and gleefully smiled, as she continued standing.  Her teacher let out a little laugh saying, "You can sit down to listen to the music...(and Kyndall stood even more confidently)....or stand!  Standing is great, too!"

My stander-upper
I know this doesn't mean that she will always stand for what she wants, needs, or even believes in.  I realize she may have only stood because she loves to look at herself in that little skirt.  Even with that knowledge, I felt such a hope....such a reassurance that maybe there are things I am trying to instill in her that she is taking in.  Maybe a little bit of my will, and Kyle's do-the-right-thing way are getting in there.  Maybe she will be a leader, and a little lady who is confident in herself, and what she knows to be right.

I will keep praying my prayers over her, full of requests for all of these character traits. I will continue to pray for Kamryn to learn self control and when to sit, haha.  I'll just never forget that image of all the other girls comfortably sitting, and Kyndall standing proud, and all alone.

My girlies.....Little sis doing whatever big sis does
I really love mommyhood :)

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